It isn't as long as a few of my gaps but it is longer than I meant it to be. I was in a rough spot Friday and wanted to post about all the annoying people and emotions that go with it. I don't [BACKSPACE] rarely express my true emotions and I had planned a whole post about my emotional moments, the few there are. They are starting to come closer together. I think the last time before the more recent emotions was in fifth grade when the metaphorical bottle of emotions spilled over and I ran away from my Dad's.
Mistake #1: I ran to a place I felt safe.
Mistake #2: I called my Mom.
Needless to say, she called my Dad and we had a talk. It was so torturous for me that I vowed to never share my emotions again.

Well then there was my Grandmother's funeral, but who doesn't cry at a funeral.

But the least recent of the most recent episode of emotions was back a few months. I was at my Dad's with just my step-mom and half-brothers. I was convinced that my Dad was breaking the custody laws by not being there and spending time with me. I hid in the bathroom to escape the noises. It was raining, and I found peace in the scene unfolding outside the window. It was so tranquil. Just the rain falling, and everything was some shade of gray. Then my step-mom ruined it, so I ran to my room. I tried to enjoy the scene, but it wasn't the same from my bedroom window. So I sat on the ground in the corner and hid under a blanket. Then, for a second I thought that if I stayed under the blanket long enough I would pass out and not have to be there. Yes one of my very bad days during my summer depression.

On a lighter note, my next emotional slip was at church on vacation. I looked at my Mom, who was in a pew behind and to the right of me, and I caught myself smiling. A real uncontrollable smile. It felt strangely good.

Dark side again. My Mother's friend decided to bash one of my friends, and all of my generations, issues with lateness. She said that conformation was key, which it is. However, when you're discussing a good friend of mine, and then try to say that you know him or her better than I do, I get upset with you. She seemed to think that I should call my friend, now one and a half hours later, to see if he or she was still going to show up, an hour earlier. Clearly that friend will not be showing up and I don't need a phone call to tell me that. I was upset that this person would try to say that my generation doesn't confirm things like it should. This is true, and from a professional standpoint, I can see where she is coming from.

Then, then she decided to say that my outlook on my getaway with my Dad and family was pessimistic. It most certainly was not, I was being a realist. If I had tried to convince myself that my vacation was going to be all happy and merry and fun, I would be deceiving myself. However my Mother's friend said I should try to keep an open mind. That ship has sailed and crashed years ago. I know my family better than she does, and how dare she try to tell me different. FYI, the vacation was just as I predicted.

I wish I had more to share, but I don't.