27 August 2009
Let the Hypocrite Throw the First Stone
So today my cousin walks into the office and says "How are you?" A nice thing to say, unless your voice is unaudible due to the radio and air vent. I look at her becuase I thought I saw her lips move, but I wasn't expecting anything. I look at her and smile only to be greeted with a sneer and "I said how are you (anger doesn't transfer well over the computer). You ingrone people a lot, and it's rude." As the second sentenced was uttered, I began, "I didn't hear you." She didn't seem to care about my opinion in the matter, I was clearly in the wrong. Well then, to top it all of, she decides to practically ignore me, and be snotty to me all day.
I'm sorry, what right does she have to be the plaintiff's lawer, the judge, jury, and executioner? I was convicted of murder before any of my evidence was in. What right does she have to go from "how are you?" to "that was rude." Isn't there supposed to be a middle ground of a repeat of "how are you?" Maybe not. Maybe, I just like to give people the benifit of the doubt.
Well whatever, forget her, but for some reason I feel like my family has been slowly disowning me. Now it feels like all we have in common is our last name. Sometimes I wonder if my uncles dissowned my Mom along time ago because of the whole wedlock thing. What I really need from my family is some sign that they care that I exist. I don't see my Dad's side enough to really care what they think, but I practically live in the same house as my Mom's family. There are so many of us. So I wonder, would they care if I dissappeared? Sure they would look for me, but would they have the heart to keep going, care enought to go national. Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe I'm not, but I feel like I'll be the person who doesn't spend Christmas and other holidays with my family. Sometimes I hate myself for it, but then again my cousins justify it sometimes, too.

for now
For Now @ 10:34 PM


22 August 2009
a strong cup of coffee
Today 1922: Irish Revolutionary, Micheal Collins, shot to death
Last night was a very interesting, a good friend and I played a game, watched a movie, and had a fight. Not the kind of fight you would imagine. We were playing scrabble and for some reason pieces went flying, DVD cases broke, and water may have been involved. Before that I went to get my phone fixed. When I was in the parking lot I fixed my phone. It wasn't really broken. After that, but before Scrabble, My Mom and I helped my Uncle and Aunt who were lost in France and in need of a place to spend the night. After all of this, I ate some real homemade Italian food. Muy Bueno! Before all of this, the aforementioned friend suprised me by showing up at my work. One problem, I wasn't there. So she came to get me. Then we relaxed at work with Iced Mochas. Mine was white and hers was chocolate. Liberals might like to point out that this maked me a racist. Oh well, I don't care what they think because they don't matter. What a wonderful day. Too, bad you didn't read it in order.
for now
For Now @ 11:26 AM


20 August 2009
Six Days
Today 1984: Reagan Nominated as Republican Presidential Nominee

It isn't as long as a few of my gaps but it is longer than I meant it to be. I was in a rough spot Friday and wanted to post about all the annoying people and emotions that go with it. I don't [BACKSPACE] rarely express my true emotions and I had planned a whole post about my emotional moments, the few there are. They are starting to come closer together. I think the last time before the more recent emotions was in fifth grade when the metaphorical bottle of emotions spilled over and I ran away from my Dad's.
Mistake #1: I ran to a place I felt safe.
Mistake #2: I called my Mom.
Needless to say, she called my Dad and we had a talk. It was so torturous for me that I vowed to never share my emotions again.

Well then there was my Grandmother's funeral, but who doesn't cry at a funeral.

But the least recent of the most recent episode of emotions was back a few months. I was at my Dad's with just my step-mom and half-brothers. I was convinced that my Dad was breaking the custody laws by not being there and spending time with me. I hid in the bathroom to escape the noises. It was raining, and I found peace in the scene unfolding outside the window. It was so tranquil. Just the rain falling, and everything was some shade of gray. Then my step-mom ruined it, so I ran to my room. I tried to enjoy the scene, but it wasn't the same from my bedroom window. So I sat on the ground in the corner and hid under a blanket. Then, for a second I thought that if I stayed under the blanket long enough I would pass out and not have to be there. Yes one of my very bad days during my summer depression.

On a lighter note, my next emotional slip was at church on vacation. I looked at my Mom, who was in a pew behind and to the right of me, and I caught myself smiling. A real uncontrollable smile. It felt strangely good.

Dark side again. My Mother's friend decided to bash one of my friends, and all of my generations, issues with lateness. She said that conformation was key, which it is. However, when you're discussing a good friend of mine, and then try to say that you know him or her better than I do, I get upset with you. She seemed to think that I should call my friend, now one and a half hours later, to see if he or she was still going to show up, an hour earlier. Clearly that friend will not be showing up and I don't need a phone call to tell me that. I was upset that this person would try to say that my generation doesn't confirm things like it should. This is true, and from a professional standpoint, I can see where she is coming from.

Then, then she decided to say that my outlook on my getaway with my Dad and family was pessimistic. It most certainly was not, I was being a realist. If I had tried to convince myself that my vacation was going to be all happy and merry and fun, I would be deceiving myself. However my Mother's friend said I should try to keep an open mind. That ship has sailed and crashed years ago. I know my family better than she does, and how dare she try to tell me different. FYI, the vacation was just as I predicted.

I wish I had more to share, but I don't.

for now

p.s. I like the "[BACKSPACE]" idea because it shows a reflection on my part.
For Now @ 10:50 PM


14 August 2009
Just a Quickie
I have more to say, but I'm packing for a weekend away in Maine. I hope you are all having greaat summers. School starts soon, and then my birthday, but not before this blogs first anniversary.

for now
For Now @ 4:23 PM


05 August 2009
Has It Been a Month Already?
Today 1962: Marylin Monroe found dead in bed. Assumed suicide.

Okay, so it hasn't been exactly a month but close enough. During the time between my most recent post and this one, I was away for a week in V(censored) Beach. What a nice relaxing time. I also have been covering for my co-workers on the job for the past two weeks but its okay, I don't mind too much. I have almost completed my AP US History summer reading. The book is wonderful and I recommend it to the politicians out there. It is called Founding Brothers by Joseph Ellis. Speaking of good books, I have recently stumbled upon Agatha Christie mysteries and plays. What a wonderful and intriguing author. I guess that a month crammed into a paragraph.

for now
For Now @ 10:20 PM